Down the Rabbit Hole
by Eliiizabeth
Summary: An AU fic that picks up at the start of Buffy Season 9 Vol. 2. What if Buffy really wasn't a robot, and really was up the spout? Rated M for language.


A/N:I just want to start out by saying that this chapter, and the next to follow will be completely out of the comic book, with maybe some few added scenes and some added inner monologue. This is a test run to found out how I can write this while respecting the comic book, as well as, making it my own AU. This is taken out of the Buffy Season 9 Vol. 2 comic, and will stray away just before the point Buffy finds out she's a robot. Also, this has the potential to be updated at a very, very slow pace. I only get the comic volumes, not the month to month issues, and though this is AU, I want it to be parallel to the canon. I may change my mind after reading Vol 3 of Buffy and Angel & Faith. If things go well with this little story though, I'll have chapter 2 up very soon since that still deals with Season 9 Vol 2.

If you can find it in your heart, please, please, review, and let me know what works and doesn't work. I feel like I proof read this pretty well, but I have been known to make some errors. I'm just now getting back to writing fanfics after about 5 year hiatus, so I may be a bit rusty. The current title is subject to change, and if anyone has any suggestions, throw 'em at me, and I'll of course give credit to where it is due :)

With that, I hope you enjoy this fic!

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns all things Buffy, I am just merely borrowing them. Most of the dialog can be found in Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 9 Vol 2, and I am just adding my own spin/perspective.

* * *

Dawn sat at the foot of my bed staring at me expectantly. I was so glad to have her here. This was the best visit we've had a in a great while, and here I am once again putting a damper on any fun we could have. Once again making it all about me.

"Dawnie, I have to tell you something." I spoke.

She smiled at me warmly, "What is it Buffy? If it's another apocalypse, you know I can handle it. How many have we stopped? About eight or so?"

"Now that I could probably figure out. This- I have no Idea what I'm going to do." I sighed.

"Well, spit it out."

"I'm pregnant."

It was the first time I said it out loud. Dawn stared at me, not scornfully… It was like a mixture of wow, fuck, no, and concern… I suddenly felt so very vulnerable. I grabbed a pillow from my bed and hugged it.

"So I'm gonna be an auntie?" Dawn smiled.

"I don't know." I sighed, "I mean, in the back of my mind, this is something I have always wanted. Not like this though. But, maybe this is the only chance I've had. I've gave up any hope for having a normal boyfriend when Riley left."

"Oh Buffy, don't say that. You can have that." Dawn said as she put a supportive hand on my shoulder. "I mean really, you don't have to do anymore slayer duties, so any time you want to go domestic would be fine."

"No, it's much more complicated than that. I mean, yeah, I don't have any slayer obligations, but that is just so much a part of my life. How do I just quit? I have this power, and I'm useless without it. Well- not really, but if feels that way no matter what I tell myself, or what anyone tells me."

I slumped myself into my pillow. I felt like crying, but I also felt so empty, like there was nothing else to give. I couldn't look at Dawn anymore. She was staring at me with a warm smile. It made me feel so pathetic.

"Do you know who the father is?" She asked.

"I have no Idea."

"It's okay, the list of father's can't be that long."

"Remember how many guys were at my house warming party?"

"I remember the cops tried to shut it down because the party got too crowded." Dawn said matter of factly, trying to make me feel better. As usual, it didn't really work out that way.

"The list is just as crowded." I mumbled.

Dawn hmphed and paused, "Maybe you didn't get pregnant that night."

A thought came into my head. As glad as I was to have Dawn come and gracefully not judge me for my sluttiness, I realized I wasn't going to hear what I needed to hear from her. I could tell by the way she looked at me that she was excited by the prospect of having another member to the Summers family. I couldn't blame her, it's not like we have anyone else. I stood up while simultaneously wondering where my phone was.

"It's not like I've had much non-slayer action lately. It had to be at the party when I… blacked out…" I spoke matter of factly.

Dawn sighed and looked to her feet, "We've all been there Buff, if it weren't for alcohol I wouldn't have ended up a centaur or a doll…" Dawn paused and looked up at me as if she thought of something I haven't already thought of, "Do you remember being alone with any guy at the party?"

"It's a little hazy… But, Riley, who is married. Andrew, whose name I'm not sure why I'm saying. Root, who doesn't shower. Tumble, who does showers infrequently. The shut in neighbor whose name I can't remember, and then there's Spike."

"Is a vamp daddy even a possibility?" Dawn asked.

Now that was something I hadn't thought about. What if Spike could impregnate me? There was a time where that would have been my worst nightmare, but now… that would be best case scenario. My brain quickly when to a yellow house with a white picket fence, and a freshly mowed lawn. A baby playing of the porch Spike and I swaying on the porch swing.

Whoa… the places my mind goes. That situation isn't even remotely possible. No, no, no… Stay on the task at hand, Buffy. That would not happen. No matter how nice it does feel. But, with the no magic mojo, I guess Spike could be the father…

I opened my mouth to speak, trying to find my words, "Normally I'd say no, but since I destroyed the seed, the vampire rule book has been rewritten." I glanced at Dawn, "And those were just the guys I knew at the party. So no matter who it is, I think I'm on my own"

Dawn approached me from behind, and hugged me. She rested her chin on my shoulder, and we stayed that way for a moment.

"You have Xander and me." She said encouragingly.

Though I already knew that, it felt nice to hear it. I always knew for the most part I could count on Xander, Dawn, and Willow. Well, Willow probably not so much right now… I know she'd be here if she didn't have such a hole in her from no magick. God, I really miss having my best friend.

"Do you think Willow is still in this time zone?" I asked.

Dawn shook her head, "I tried calling her yesterday, but her cell phone has been disconnected."

I broke away from Dawn as I spotted my cellphone on my trunk, "You know what? The fewer people I talk to about this the better." I immediately grabbed my phone, and scrolled through my contents.

"I brought pajamas, highly processed snack foods, and I'm planning on skipping all my classes until we figure out a plan of attack." Dawn said. I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Thanks Dawnie, but there's someone else I need to talk to first."

Robin Wood stared at me across the table pensively. I sipped at my coffee as I waited for him to speak. Though I was looking for an answer, I found his silence slightly unnerving. I hoped that this wouldn't strike a nerve with him. Especially with me knowing his mother's cautionary tale. But, I had to talk with him. He was someone who would put nearly as much thought into this as I have. I knew this would be a very different conversation then what I had with Dawn. And that's what I needed more than anything. I needed perspective, and who better to give it?

"If you want an easy answer, you won't get it from me." He spoke.

"I don't want an easy answer. I just want to know. What's it like growing up with a slayer as a mother?" I asked.

Robin took a deep inhale of breath, "I learned about demons and vampires when most kids still believed in the tooth fairy. I was closer to her watcher than I was to my own mother. If I was lucky she'd take me on patrol with her… because the worst part was lying in bed and waiting for her to come home. It always took longer than what she said. Longer than I thought it would. But, she always came home… until the night she didn't."

"The night Spike killed her…" I trailed off. The maybe, but probably not, potential father of my baby, "I guess it's pretty obvious what I should do." My eyes slumped down to my coffee.

"I don't think it is."

"What do you mean?" I asked slightly taken aback, "You grew up resenting what Nikki did to you. I can't put a kid through that."

"I know." He spoke. I met his eyes, "But I'm here because Nikki decided to have me… I think you should consider having the baby."

A barista came by and brought us our tab with a smile. I swiftly grabbed some cash out of my purse, and left enough on the table to cover both mine and Robin's coffee. He was already at the door, holding it open for me.

"Why didn't Nikki give you up for adoption?" I asked.

"Before I was born, Crowley said she put up walls with everyone she kept in contact with."

"Been there done that… But you know that."

"Growing up, I never saw any guy stick around for more than a couple of weeks. But here I was, someone who was already inside of her wall."

I placed a hand on his shoulder, and offered a comforting smile, "It would have killed Nikki to walk away from you."

"That's the thing." He started, "She didn't have to walk away from me."

We walked silently for a while, and linked arms as Robin walked me towards his car. Again I was reminded about how my powers aren't necessarily needed. I have an out. That's been painfully obvious to me for quite a while now… Walking away, five years ago and I would have leaped at the opportunity. Hell, I wanted to run away with Angel and have our own haven… and we did have that. Now, I don't know what I want. Walking away… thoughts of the white picket fence flooded my mind again.

"If she had an out, why did she come back?" I asked.

"We lived in South America for a bit. Mexico too, I think." He started. "But she got an itch before I was even a year old, and we ended up right where Crowley didn't want us."

"New york?"

Robin nodded, "Patrolling while I waited for the night she didn't come home. It took me a long time to realize why. She was chosen, Buffy. Just like you. No matter where she went, no matter how much she wanted to be with me. She wasn't strong enough to ignore it. She had to be a slayer."

White picket fence completely flushed out of my mind. Just like what I thought when I was talking to Dawn. Walking away, not an option, my power is a part of me. A baby doesn't fit there.

"I don't get it," I began, "Where's the part of the story that makes you think I should have the kid?"

Robin let out a soft laugh, "It's right in front of me, Buffy. You aren't my mother. You've done things she never could. You've saved the world more times than I can count, and you raised a sister while doing it, Then you led an army of slayers. That's the reason why I think you could have this baby."

We reached his car, and he held the door open for me, "The difference between you and Nikki is, when things get tough, you let people help. So if you decide to have that baby, don't do it by yourself."

I smiled, and could already feel my eyes begin to well up. I still had a lot to think about, but that had to have been the nicest things anyone had ever said to me. Maybe this cloud has a silver lining after. Maybe I could do this.

"Don't worry, I won't." I spoke, this time with the utmost certainty.


End file.
